Josh Vs. Earth: The Explanation

There is a story behind it all. Also, there’s a philosophy. Of course there’s a philosophy.

But we’ll start with the story.

Once upon a time in Philadelphia, I was bored at Temple University. So I joined the college’s Sierra Club, an environmental group with a political focus. I’ve never really been a big environmental activist, but I got valuable volunteer experience, including door-to-door awareness stuff, then left the club.

Of course, I continued to get Facebook invites, emails, and even phone calls once in a while. After some time I got tired of the emails, and cancelled the newsletter. To my supreme joy, they had a large field for why I cancelled, and I was in the correct mood to reply thusly: (paraphrased from memory)

“I have grown to hate the Earth. Since my defection from the Sierra Club, I have formed a small coalition dedicated to the destruction of our planet. We hunt endangered species, we burn trees, and we drive Hummers. The continued receipt of your newsletter would draw suspicion upon me, and I wish to avoid the firing squad.”

I think I made up a name for my coalition, but I really can’t remember it.
Points go to the best name for an Anti-Earth Coalition. Double for funny acronyms.

I hope it got a laugh, or, even better, freaked the reader out. Most likely it was disregarded by the robot who monitors it, unless of course said robot was converted by my obvious passion and is now at this very moment concocting a plan to fulfill my fictional organization’s goal of complete obliteration of our mother Earth.

But I digress.

Usually when I tell strange jokes or fabricate outrageous stories there is an element of personal truth concealed in the heart of it (In the case of my fiction writing, it’s often hardly concealed at all. I’m working on that.), and I must admit (awkward though it may be for my more environmentally minded friends) this instance is no different.

I have always had a problem with environmentalism as a goal in itself for a human being. I feel like concerns for our species should take precedence. After all, we are still animals and we are still struggling against the bitter realities of the natural world. Just because we’ve been winning doesn’t mean we should start fighting for the other team.

Also, I just think the craze is annoying. They co-opt interesting words like “sustainability” and “green” and try to make us feel guilty for being an advanced race, which we aren’t. We and our advances are still part of a Earth’s eco-system and food chain and circle of life home-tree light side of the force whatever. Pavement, when you get down to it, is eventually made out of natural materials.

Also, I’ve always been a big fan of superheroes, and we all know the hero is only as good as its villain, which by the transitive property means I’m a huge fan of supervillains. All good supervillains want to blow up the Earth. Usually, they just want to rebuild it awesome. They’re basically big picture superheroes.

I’m all about that. I would love to destroy the Earth and make it awesome. I think that would be faster than taking over the whole world and trying to fix it up, and we definitely can’t leave it the way it is. Gotta blow it up.

Which brings me to my third point relating to the end of the world: Reality blows.

I’ve always had a problem with the real world. Life, as I have experienced it, is pretty devoid of awesome things like lasers, explosions, robots, and meaning. Fiction, however, has got you covered. You’ve got catharsis, action, romance,drama, horror, you name it.

Real life can’t compare, so let’s blow it up.


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